Silent Sadness

Hello~It took me along time to come on here and post an entry. I am feeling an incredible sadness. I am having some hard times here in my world. I won't bore you with them~ I have even cleared out my art studio. Ever since I had that awful flu I am not the same person any more and I don't like what I'm feeling. It feels as though I'm giving up, giving up on everything. You name it, it's been happening to me.... Even a tiny little thing as a swap gone bad! I sent out my swap and I never received mine. Down to the littlest things.... It's all going wrong. I have no energy, no vision, no imagination, no life left in me. I'm scared... It's a sadness that can't be explained~ I don't know what is happening to me. Everything I've loved before is a torture for me now. This big world is so full of mean people and people who will try to zap your imagination and ideas~ I'm so tired of it.. To the point that I don't even want to leave my home, but, I don't like my home! I'm trapped in a world I do not like. I don't know how to escape! I want to create and live in my own little world, but the environment and people around me are preventing that from happening. I need to get back to myself, or invent a new self. I just don't have the energy to try anymore. I've tried so hard to accept the things I have to live with, accept the place I live in, but, I can't do it anymore. I will always post on my blog~I'm just not sure how anymore~ I need my heart uplifted.....